Damned if I do Damned if I don't
by emmybaby
Summary: Rose and Dimitri baby story. She runs away to deal with it after he goes missing during the ST. Vlad fight. See how she deals with being a mom, listening to Lissa's life, and searching for her true love. Summary is probably not to good but I don't want to give it away. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer- I do not own anything**

**Also I had posted this before but made some big mistakes. My bad. I have fixed it and I hope you all enjoy it!**

"This cannot be happening." I said aloud to myself as I stood in my small bathroom staring into the mirror. Two months ago Dimitri and I finally gave into our passion for one another and it was amazing. Everything after that seemed to be going perfect, that is until the Strigoi attack. Dimitri my Russian god of a mentor was presumed dead as no one found his body after the chaos calmed down. Our relationship was a secret since he was older than me and I am still a student at St. Vladimir Academy, I had to sneak to my room where I broke down and cried. I cried for my teacher, my lover, myself, my school, and for him. This all happened two weeks ago, now I am here in my dorm room expected to be out in training in five minutes. Yet I can't move, I can't bring myself to even get dressed. I looked down at the small white stick in my hand and cried some more. How on earth could I be pregnant? I have only ever slept with one man, and that man is a dhampir like me which means this should be impossible. My understanding of how life and everything works has just been shattered. "This cannot be happening!" I was tempted to smash my fist into the mirror but fought against that urge.

I ran to breakfast where I met up with Lissa and Eddie. As soon as she saw me she knew something was off but didn't push the subject. "Long night Rose?" Eddie laughed as he took in my less than stellar appearance this morning.

"You don't know the half of it Castile." I returned.

"We need a girls night tonight Rose, my dorm." I gave her a not gonna happen look which she returned sadly. Of course I conceded and she smiled. Sometimes it really sucked being able to tell how she was feeling. This shadow-kissed thing could really be a pain in the ass. I made it through the rest of the day before Lis cornered me and dragged me into her room. She shut the door tight and stared me down.

"Lissa I can't tell you what's going on. It's to protect you. I just want you to know that I need to leave."

"Leave Rose what do you mean leave? Is this about Dimitri?" She asked concerned.

"Yes. I need to go find him." I lied. She reluctantly agreed with me. She held up one finger to me that told me to wait, she began rummaging through her drawers and didn't stop until she pulled a small diamond encrusted bag from the bottom of her closet.

"Here take this. It's my savings and a few gems that you can sell if you need to. Don't worry about paying me back. Find him, find yourself, be safe." She said as she hugged me tight.

"Thank you Lissa. Make sure Christian takes good care of you. Ill be watching. I love you Lis."

"I will and I love you too."

I stuffed the little bag in my bra and took off to my own room. I grabbed my backpack from the bottom of my closet and stuffed it with all of my important belongings. A picture of Lissa, Eddie, Mason and I from last year, all the money I had saved was added to the pouch and a few pairs of jeans and T's. I sat on my bed to plan out my escape. Things were still a bit messy from the attack a few weeks ago but security was higher than ever. Getting out wasn't going to happen without someone's consent so I grabbed my bag and headed to the main admin building to talk to Alberta.

"Rose Hathaway. What brings you in to see me so late?"

"I'm leaving school. I can't guard Vaslissa the way she needs be. The royal court will find someone maybe Eddie to guard her." I told Alberta. She gave me a hard look before speaking again.

"Rose. Are you certain you want to do this? We won't be able to protect you anymore, we won't be able to give you assistance."

"Ma'am I will sadly not be able to continue as a guardian."

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"It was but things have um changed recently and I just don't think I can."

"Rose tell me what is going on?" Alberta demanded. I looked at her and could see the concern in her eyes. She never showed emotion when it comes to us novices so I was surprised to see it now.

"I'm... Um... I'm pregnant."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm not repeating that." I replied.

"Who? How far along?"

"About 2 months give or take a day. And I can't tell you because you will never believe me."

"Guardian Belikov?" She guessed. "That's impossible dhampir's can't procreate with other dhampir's."

"I thought that too. Until I took a test this morning." I looked down to my feet, a tear escaped my eye. "I have to leave Alberta, nobody will understand and nobody will let me and this child live in peace. People, the guardians, the moroi will want to experiment or something and I can't let that happen. I am going to go to Russia and find his family. Maybe they can help me."

"I will track them down and get you the address." Just then Kirova burst in the door with a scowl on her face.

"Rose Hathaway, Why am I not surprised to find you here."

"Kirova, I'm sorry this is a private meeting." Alberta nearly barked. I have never heard her speak that way another adult, let alone Kirova the dean of the school. I slumped farther down in my chair hoping to become invisible. Of course no luck.

"This is my school and the students make it my business."

"Miss Hathaway has just come to tell me she no longer wishes to be a guardian. I am sending her off to Russia to live among others like her."

"Whoa I am not a blood whore. I will not be living like that and I still wish to be a guardian I just don't want to be Lissa's guardian. Well no I want to be I just can't. I don't think I can be objective enough to keep a proper watch on the princess. So please send me to Russia to continue training at the school there."

"Miss Hathaway, how am I to believe you. Princess Dragomir and you are practically attached at the hip and now you are trying to convince me you want to leave her." Kirova babbled.

"Yes."

"Well then I don't see why a change in scenery would be a bad thing. Alberta I will leave you too getting her transfer papers organized." Kirova spun on her heel and left the room.

"Alright. I will set it up so it looks as if you are in training however I will send you to the Belikov family. Once the child is born you will train there and then take the final test here when the rest of your graduating class does."

"Sounds great."

"It's alright I will go there and try them first if not I'll find somewhere else to go." I stood to leave and pack my belongings. "Thank you Alberta for everything."

"Not a problem dear. I'll meet you at the gate in 30 minutes. Say your goodbyes Rose. Don't just leave."

I ran to my dorm and through everything else I had planned to leave behind into my bags and headed for the gate. I didn't want to see anyone and try to explain. Lissa's face played in my head over and over of what it would look like if I told her. Mason and Eddie and Christian. How could I say goodbye to any of them when none of them knew what was truly going on.

I made my way towards the gate when Adrian stopped me. "Little Dhampir you going on a trip?"

"Not now Adrian." I barked.

"Snappy."

"I'm sorry I have to go." I touched the little pouch that was still neatly tucked into my bra. "Goodbye Adrian." I just kept going. No looking back now.

I kept myself out of Lissa's head the entire flight to Russia. I didn't dare find out what she was thinking. However as I landed in a snow covered Russia I was thrust into her frantic mind.

"_**I don't know Adrian who is going to guard me now when I leave school. I bet it's gonna be some stranger who doesn't even like me. Dimitri is gone and so is Rose. I just don't know what to do anymore."**_

"_**What is with you girls and your fascination with Belikov?" Adrian questioned.**_

"_**Nothing." She said way to quick."**_

"_**Rose was involved with him wasn't she?"**_

"_**I can't say."**_

"_**Cousin?"**_

"_**Fine. Yes but you can't tell anyone. It's a secret she kept even from me for a long time." She sighed. "I think it's the reason she left."**_

"_**Well yeah cousin I bet she has gone off to find him."**_

"_**For her sake I hope she doesn't find him."**_

I flung back into my own head. Finding had not even crossed my mind. Until now.

The cold clung to me uncomfortably as I sat in the cold car on the way to the Belikov house hold. Alberta had gotten word to me that they were expecting me which I was extremely grateful for.

"Welcome to Russia Roza?" His mother said as she embraced me at the door using the nickname her son had always called me. My heart stung at the thought.

"Thank you Mrs. Belikov." I said politely.

"Come in come in." She ushered me inside and took my coat. "What brings you to us?"

Well I figured it was best just to come out with it. "I know this is going to be hard to believe but. I'm pregnant."

Thank you for reading again I apologize for the previous mistake. Read and review

**emmybaby**


	2. Chapter 2

"_Welcome to Russia Roza?" His mother said as she embraced me at the door using the nickname her son had always called me. My heart stung at the thought._

"_Thank you Mrs. Belikov." I said politely._

"_Come in come in." She ushered me inside and took my coat. "What brings you to us?"_

_Well I figured it was best just to come out with it. "I know this is going to be hard to believe but. I'm pregnant."_

"And you came here?" Mrs. Belikov asked confused.

"Yes. Umm. I don't know how but I was with Dimitri and now this is happening and I know it's strange because we are both Dhampir's." I rambled out as we sat down in the quaint living room. I noticed a shelf on the wall holding dozens of dusty old western novels. The ones I'm sure Dimitri read many times over as a child. "I'm sorry to drop in like this. I don't really know what I was thinking. I should go." I said standing to leave.

"I do believe you Rosemarie. I have always known my boy was special. Please sit. I would like you to stay." I sat back down and stared at her. Her Russian accent made me smile as I remembered Dimitri's voice. "There are secrets that will come to light with this miracle baby that I wish could stay hidden, I know my son would have loved to be here but a small part of me is glad he is not around to find out the truth."

"What secrets?"

"With time you will know all Rosemarie but for now you need to rest." She grabbed my bag and led me up a small staircase that led to a few bedrooms. "This was his room, I hope you don't mind."

"No not at all. Thank you." I moved to sit on the bed as Mrs. Belikov left me alone in the room. It was exactly as I thought it would be, books on shelves, horse figurines and old western movie posters hung on the walls. The bed was a nice double size just big enough for a Dimitri size person and very spacious for me. I lay back on the bed and let sleep take over. I dreamed about the days on the run with Lissa and then being forced back to school by Dimitri. I had hated him at first, he ruined everything Lissa and I worked so hard for.

The next day I was woken up by loud yelling coming from downstairs. Of course it was all in Russian so I had no idea what was happening. I quickly made myself presentable and wandered downstairs. Two very beautiful Dhampir's girls stood with Mrs. Belikov in the living room, both were very upset by something. When Mrs. Belikov looked up and noticed me the others turned around and stared at me. "So you're Rosemarie Hathaway the student who fell for my brother?" A dark haired girl said to me.

"Sonja be nice." Mrs. Belikov said from her spot in the center of the room. "Rose I apologize. This is my daughter Sonja and my youngest daughter Viktoria."

"Hello." I said. "Mrs. Belikov I'm sorry for interrupting."

"No no nonsense. And please dear call me Olena." She smiled. "Sonja here is just a little worried since nobody knows what exactly happened to Dimika." I bowed my head slightly.

"Yes. I'm sorry Sonja he mentioned once how close he was with all of you." She walked closer to me and I could see she was also pregnant.

"Where you with him? In his final moment?"

"We were together during the fight at the school for a while until we got separated. I had to go off and protect my best friend Lissa a royal. He went to help defend the grounds." I let a single tear run down my face.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.

"No its okay. He is your family you deserve to know everything." I sat down on the edge of the sofa and she sat across from me on an arm chair. "He was very brave that day, he was really good at the stoic guardian face." They laughed remembering how he used to be. "Do you know what the guardians think?"

"No they only said he was gone." Yeva, the grandmother said as she entered the living room.

"His body was never found among the others in the cave. I even checked myself." The girls gasped and Olena buried her face in her hands. Yeva who had sat down in her chair sat with no expression on her face.

"He turned." Olena said finally.

"I don't think he did it willingly." I added. Viktoria grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs. I was slightly shocked and a little scared. "What's going on?" I was glad for the change of topic when it came. I didn't like leaving his mother and grandmother down there to deal with what had happened but Viktoria made me feel like I was back in Lissa's dorm talking away.

"Girl talk." She stated. We sat in her room which was the same size as Dimitri's only a lot more colorful. She is actually really fun to talk to and was a lot like Lissa.

I could see myself fitting in with these people. My family if you will. Being the same age as Viktoria helped, they took me in like I was there own however Olena still won't tell me that secret she mentioned before. Things were going great. The pregnancy was a smooth one and I was keeping up with some of my training. Viktoria and Olena were helping me from home as best they could. All the while I sat formulating a plan to find him after the child is born. It will hurt to leave the baby for a while but I don't want Dimitri to suffer. I went down to the living room where the family was gathered including Karolina Dimitri's older sister. "I have something I think you should all know."

"I got word this morning from my friend Lissa. It's official. He has been spotted here in Russia." They all sighed loudly as their fears were confirmed.

"How did she contact you?" Now I guess it was time to answer them. It had been six months and I had yet to divulge about the bond I share with Lissa.

"Umm. I uh I share a bond a physic bond with Lissa. She is a spirit user who saved my life and now we are connected. This morning I accidentally slipped into her head and she was eavesdropping on Alberta the head of the guardians at the school who mentioned he had been spotted."

"Oh god. He wouldn't want this for himself. He. He. Oh god." Olena exclaimed.

"When the child comes can I leave her with you while I go off to find him. To end the misery he is in?"

"You want to leave to risk him killing you and leaving your child unprotected?" Sonja asked.

"She won't be unprotected she will have you her family, plus I will be back. I can handle it. Everything I know I learned from him. I need to do this. I need to do this for him. I made him a promise that I wouldn't let him live like that." Olena sighed in resignation.

"Of course we will watch the child while you do this for my boy." A small smile etched her lips. Only two more months to go before I leave to save the soul of the man I love.

Ding dong... Yeva opened the door wide, a mail man stood holding a box. I peeked around the wall to see what was going on. Yeva took and signed for the box before coming over and handing it to me. "It's for you Rose." I looked down at the writing on the top.

_Roza Hathaway_

_32 Anchor ridge_

_Russia_

I stared dumbfounded. "Who would put your name as Roza dear?" The others soon joined us in the living room.

"Dimitri is the only person other than you Olena that has ever called me that." I tore open the book to reveal a single envelope. The letter inside read;

_My dearest Roza,_

_I know what you think you must do. Don't do it. I will come find you when I finish my plan to terminate the Moroi at St. Vladimir school and make you my queen. Together we will rule the Strigoi and live forever._

_Xoxo Comrade _

"Oh god."


End file.
